So I've heard this question before - how do I get the spark going or should just be roommates in denial? Its been written its been expounded its been rehashed. But let's try this angle. Why are you so concerned about making sure it sparks when you may need to have a redefinition of what spark really means? What is spark anyway?
Does it mean wild sex? (over it, it can get tiring and messy which I end up cleaning up) Does it sex in every nook and crany of your apartment? (done that already) Does it mean adding another person? (hmmm...) What does it mean to you? Each couple have their own definition as a couple (if they're honest enough to verbalise it) or individually (which we all secretly want to explore). Honesty is the best policy - as our moms say. So blurt it out. Make sure its the right timing otherwise there will be drama to pay.
Once the conversation gets going, then maybe have a discussion on what it means to you now. Our spark has changed when we hit 3 yrs, then 5, 7, 10, 14, 17 yrs! And our conversations never ceases. We talk about it while we're on road trips - there's really nowhere to go (captive audience is key sometimes) and you can only listen to the same Diva songs for so long.
If one wants to try S&M, then try with the small stuff. Don't stick a 9x5 dildo while hanging from the roof with a leather harness. You might end up liking it. If the other decides he'd rather read instead of the usual evening tumble, then maybe you take a breather and see how that feels. (ok that would be boring to me but some guys like that).
Our suggestion? Be safe but try things out. Explore. Enjoy. And if it doesn't work, there are a million other opportunities, positions, locations, solvents and lubes. Don't be a stick in the mud. Maybe that new spark is already brewing and you just didn't know how to ignite it.
